If You Go-Hands to Heaven
by David Carner
Summary: Cannon...ISH Sarah is at Ellie and Devon's wedding, when it hits her how she really feels about Chuck Bartowski. Different take on Season 3. Inspired by the songs If You Go and Hands to Heaven.
1. Ch 1, If You Go

A/N: I've got a couple stories close to ending, and I have nothing really going cannonish. I've considered continuing Chuck vs The Family Volkoff, but there is another idea I've had, and it's because SC and I have been working on Rewrite. We aren't going to use it, but I've kinda taken the idea and expanded it. I'm not promising I'm writing it, but I'm kicking it around. This would take place before that fic. It's probably a ficlit if I'm honest. This happens at Ellie's wedding, and what I'm going to do to it will probably make it AU. Inspired by Jon Secada's If You Go, I give you, If You Go

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

* * *

It had been a beautiful wedding. Sarah found herself wondering, one day… could that be her? She had never thought about that since… well, since she joined the CIA, and that felt like a lifetime ago. She huffed out a breath and glanced around at all the happy couples. And then her vision came back to one of the single men… like it had for the past two years.

Bryce was gone, headed off to do God knows what with the Intersect. Chuck didn't know that she wasn't going with him. She was going to talk to Chuck about reconsidering joining the team, that's the only way she would. She was going with Chuck now, wherever that was, and it scared her more than she knew what to do with. She would have committed treason for him. She _did_ commit treason for him, it just didn't go in the report that way. She knew what she was feeling, but she couldn't put it into words. She shook her head. _Damn it, Dad, why did you have to tell me the biggest con was love? Why did I have to believe you?_

She stood there, watching him talk to his sister, happiness on his face, when she heard a song start.

_Taking a day at a time _

_Dealing with feelings I don't want to hide _

_Learning to love as I go, baby_

She knew her spy-mask was up, because this was assaulting her in ways she didn't know what to do with. She listened. Really listened.

_Without taking you along for a ride _

_Tried to find myself _

_Tried to find the truth _

_Get out from this shell _

_Girl I'm almost there _

_To show you how much I really care_

"Change that to boy, and it's me talking to him," she muttered.

"Hey," she heard, startling her. She looked up at his smiling face.

"Wanna dance?" she asked, just wanting to be near him.

"You know I do," he replied in a low tone.

This wasn't a song for close dancing, but she molded herself to him anyway. She had to. He had to know. She was there, it was time to show him how much she really cared.

"Chuck, we need to talk about a lot of stuff," Sarah began.

"I know, and we don't have a lot of time," he replied. "I get-"

"I'd like to go on vacation with you," she blurted out. She felt him falter for just a second, but then she continued on. "If that's still an option."

"Always, Sarah. Always." He said.

She held him tight and listened.

_You're the reason I'm strong_

_Don't you think I don't know_

_This is where I belong_

_Give me the time_

_To say that you're mine, to say that you're mine_

"I'd like you to reconsider joining the Intersect team," she began. She felt Chuck stiffen. "But if you don't want to, I get it, and they'll just have to find Bryce a new partner and a new analyst.

She didn't dare look at him, but she could tell he was slowly working what she said through his brain. "Sarah," he said softly.

"Like I said, we have a _lot_ to talk about." She looked up at him.

"Do we?" he asked, hope on his face. She nodded, grinning at him.

_If you say _

_Goodbye_

_There'll be something missing in my life_

_'Cause you know_

_That all I really (all I really) want is you_

"Sarah," Chuck began, and that's when his father ran up to them. She hurried off after Chuck, for one last mission, if that's what he wanted. Because that's what _she_ wanted. Him. It had just taken her two years to trust herself to say it.

* * *

A/N: So, yeah, that's actually a really good lead in to a season three fic I'm tentatively calling Hands to Heaven (yes based on the song) that I'm kicking around writing. Let me know. Thank you all for reading!

DC


	2. Ch 2, Hands to Heaven

A/N: I was gonna make this a separate fic from If You Go, but so many followed If You Go, I decided to go with it. This will not be my usual humor, craziness, but it will be Charah. I simply ask you trust me. By now I think most of you know I will reward your trust. (Scene is better if Hands to Heaven is playing in repeat in the background…at least it was when I wrote it)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

* * *

She looked down at the phone. It was him, calling. She wanted to answer – a part of her screamed to – but he had made his decision, and she made hers. He hadn't gone with her. She had picked him, but he didn't walk away with her. She noticed people looking at her, as her phone continued to ring. She dropped it on the ground and crushed it with her heel. The taskforce looked at her. "Some guy who can't take a hint," she replied. "Now, tell me what the gunrunner told you? What was his name, Giles?"

}o{

_Prague_

_It was dark and foggy, like something out of an old noir film. He saw her standing on the train platform and started to her, his heart breaking __at__ seeing the smile on her face. She smiled at him and thrust forward a packet __to__ him. Chuck knew he was about to break her heart._

"_Here is your ticket and your new passport. Your name is Hector Caldaron," Sarah said, a tinge of excitement in her voice._

"_Sarah, wait," he nearly pleaded. _

_She shook her head at him. "We have plenty of time to talk on the train. Right now__,__ we __must__ act fast. Trust me, Chuck. It's all going to work out fine." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He felt her try to make it more, but Chuck kept it chaste__;__ he had to, to keep his senses about him. She pulled back, peering at him with a worried expression. "That's not the kiss that I was expecting."_

_Chuck put his hands on her shoulders, trying to convey everything he was feeling. "Sarah, there is an entire facility here dedicated and designed to turning me into Intersect 2.0. I mean, think about it. Think about that. Me, a real spy, you know, living a life of adventure, and doing things that really matter." _

_Sarah looked at him, horror on her face. "Chuck, It's not that simple. You don't know who you're working for. It's complicated. Nothing is real. This... __t__his is simple. This is a _real_ life." Bells clanged in the distance. "We have to go, Chuck. This is it. Are you coming?" A train whistle blew._

"_I can't," he said, his head dropping. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He turned and walked away._

}o{

_Present_

"Chuck, my dude, would it be too much to ask for you to shower?" Devon asked. Chuck nodded, took a handful of cheese balls, and shoved them into his mouth. He stood up and headed to the bathroom. Devon shook his head. Twenty minutes later, Chuck came back into the living room, dressed in identical clothes, but the fragrance was gone. "We both have the overnight shift, Chuckster… you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled. Devon shook his head, stood, and walked into the kitchen. Chuck froze as he felt a slight buzz in his robe pocket. He quickly stilled his face. Chuck stood and headed to his bedroom.

"Everything okay?" Devon asked.

"Yep, taking a nap," Chuck said, and walked into his room. Devon shook his head, but left him alone.

In his room, he reached for a device in his nightstand drawer. He swept the room… no bugs. That was the good thing about failing out of the CIA. They removed all their surveillance. He pulled out the cellphone and it had one short message: _All alone?_

He quickly replied, _Devon leaves in a few minutes, and then they'll both have the overnight shift._

He watched the device. It was a simple cellphone, one he had made untraceable. But in doing so, he pulled off all the bells and whistles. The number that texted him changed constantly, so he had no way of reaching out and having a normal conversation. There was a 911 text he could send to the one number programed in, but that was it. This was the only contact he had to the real world right now, and he was starved for contact. Chuck Bartowski craved interaction with the real world. That's what Sarah didn't get when she approached him at Prague. It would never have worked.

_Feel like company? _The text came. Chuck swallowed.

_I mean if you want__. I__ showered and everything._

He waited. Was he too flippant? Did he sound too needy? He loved Ellie and Devon, but he had no job, no desire to find one, and the NSA and CIA were done with him. He was as low as he could remember. The text pulled him out of his thoughts.

_After dark, through the back door._

That was it. He waited for Devon to leave, and thought about making something special to eat, or shaving. But he couldn't. He was given very careful instructions, and he had to follow them to the letter. He sat on the couch and waited. He found a movie he'd seen, put it on, and sat there. Boredom overtook him, and he drifted off to sleep.

}o{

He awoke. The lights were all out, but he felt someone in the room with him. "Have you done everything I asked?"

"I have," Chuck replied, swallowing, trying to keep calm, knowing someone was there with him. He felt movement.

He felt hands on his shoulders, and a voice at his ear. "Are you sure about this, because once we go forward, there is no turning back."

"I am sure. I gave up everything for this," he said.

He felt her grin. "No, not everything."

}o{

_Prague_

"_Sarah, WAIT!" he yelled, having turned and started back toward her. "SARAH!" He couldn't find her, fog was rolling in. Had she gotten on the train? Two hands grabbed him and shoved him against the wall._

"_This is what you want?" she asked, tears streaking down her face. "I put myself out there, and this is how you treat me?!"_

"_No, Sarah, no," he nearly pleaded. "I love you." Her eyes went wide__,__ and the grip loosened. "Let me say it again, to make sure you understand__: I__ love you." Sarah just stared at him. "Bryce died for us to live__. H__ow many more are gonna die because we didn't put a stop to this? How many more innocents are gonna have to pay__,__ because some __rogue__ faction is doing these things? How can I, Chuck Bartowski, walk away__,__ knowing I have the ability to stop it? How can I run away with you__,__ and not hate myself__,__ or worse… resent you for asking me to go with you? I want to go, but if I do, I'll destroy any chance of us."_

"_You will," she said so softly Chuck nearly didn't hear her. "Come on," she said, taking his hand. "Can you be gone 24 hours?"_

"_That I can do," Chuck replied. She pulled him into the fog._

}o{

_Chuck woke up a few hours later. There was no light in the room, only moonlight that cascaded in. Sarah was standing there, no clothes on, looking out the window bathed in said moonlight. Chuck's breath hitched at her beauty, and his heart broke a little._

"_We finally get here, and now…" She trailed off. She turned, looked at him, and crossed the room to him. "You're right, and I hate this," she said, tears falling down her face. Chuck wiped the tears from her face with the pad of his thumb. "If we had gone… if we had run… and more died…"_

"_Ellie, Devon," Chuck began._

"_God__,__ i__f Ellie died because of this__,_I'd_ hate me," Sarah said, sighing. "There is only one way to do this, and it is going to be hard." She placed her hand over his on her cheek. "God, Chuck… I love you." _

"_I love you, Sarah," Chuck replied. "It's not fair, but it's not fair Bryce is dead, and we're not."_

"_No, it's not," she agreed. "So__,__ we do this… you will be all alone for a while. I have to establish I have moved on. I have to establish that we are _not_ together, and then…"_

"_Then we find the spot for me to come back, looking like a clueless fool," Chuck finished for her._

_"Not what I was going for, but not wrong either," she admitted._

"_Are you gonna be okay?" he asked softly. _

_She gave him a grin. "I've been alone before," she replied._

"_Yeah, but that was before," he replied. "BC."_

"_Oh God, I was going to run off with you and these terrible jokes," she said, shaking her head. She leaned in and kissed him. "__Things__ are different now… do you have one for that__?__"_

"_Sure," Chuck replied. "ADE," he said. She gave him a look. "After Dating Exclusively."_

_She snorte__d a__nd shoved him. "Chuck, we will only get moments here and there__,__ if we get anything."_

_He took her hands in __his__ and leaned forward, __touching__ his head against hers. "Worth it," he said softly._

"_When this is over…" She couldn't finish the sentence._

"_Forever begins," he said. She licked her lips. "But until then, we'll just enjoy stolen moments."_

"_No matter what happens, know I love you, Chuck."_

}o{

"So?" he asked, scared to move as she wrapped her arms around his chest and laid her cheek to his.

"It's a go," Sarah said softly. "I have our in, but you do know you are going to have to get rejected publicly."

"You still feel the same way about me?" he asked.

"You mean do I love you?" he heard her ask, teasing in her voice. "Chuck, my love for you and your love for me is the only thing that has gotten me through these past few months."

"Any leads on the Ring?"

She squeezed him tight. "None. Now, do you want to talk, or would you like to do something else?"

"I have some board games," he began. She flipped over the couch and attacked his mouth with hers. His fingers slid up her side and she moaned desperately into his mouth.

"We'll get through this," Sarah promised. Chuck nodded. "Now, how about you use that mouth for something other than talking?" She grinned at him, and he acquiesced.

* * *

A/N: The scene in Prague in the room, that was inspired by Hands to Heaven. So this is how we start. Still interested?

DC


	3. Ch 3, I'll Be Your Shelter

A/N: I may owe MySongStory royalties on this, but I like finding songs that make chapters work. I'm not going to rehash cannon because obviously, it's heading down that AU path.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

He was standing outside his apartment, rubbing his jaw. She had slapped him so hard that he was seriously surprised it was still connected to his head. He started to unlock the door, when he heard the voice behind him.

"We have to talk."

That didn't sound good. He didn't even look at her, he just unlocked the door and let her in. She walked past him, a coolness like he had never felt. He shut the door, and the next thing he knew, he was pressed against it.

"What the hell, Chuck?" she asked, her voice low, and… dangerous. A danger he found he enjoyed.

"You told me to kiss you," he retorted, a smirk growing.

"Do you know why I slapped you so hard?" she asked, her lips, right near his, so close he could almost taste them. "I slapped you because when you kissed me like that, you nearly destroyed my cover."

"So, you're saying the nerd about made the agent drop her guard?"

She smirked at him. "You know damn well you've been making me drop my guard for a long time," she said. "Screw it." She dove in, and kissed him hard against the door.

"Ellie and Awesome," he began.

"_Damn it!_" she growled, pulling away from him. She ran a hand through her hair frustrated.

"This probably isn't wise for me to say, but this does wonders for my confidence, seeing you frustrated that you can't be with me." Sarah turned to him and tried to glare, but he just shrugged.

"And that confidence makes me want you even more," she retorted. "I need to leave, we're close to getting you back in, and I don't want to blow all of this hard work."

He stepped across the room and pulled her into a hug, and she melted against him. "Did I screw things up at the club?"

"No, not at all… wait, there was actually a gun on me?" Sarah asked, pushing away.

"_Yes_!" Chuck replied.

"Oh, so that wasn't all…oh…" She smiled at him.

"You are enjoying this," Chuck accused her.

"What, sneaking around, screwing over the people who screwed over us, being together, but having to hide it?" She bounced a shoulder.

"So, it's as hot to you as it is to me?" 

"Oh, God, yes!" she said, wrapping her arms back around him. "I don't want to do it forever, but sometimes… sometimes…"

"I know," Chuck replied.

"I gotta go," she said, as she gave him a peck and backed away. She was giggling as she opened the door and turned, right into a group of Ring agents.

}o{

_In Castle, after Casey saves Chuck and Sarah_

"So, Team Moron's back together," Casey grumbled to Sarah, watching Chuck celebrate after Beckman's announcement.

"Apparently," Sarah said, almost sulking. "I thought I was finally getting away from all of this."

"Yeah," Casey replied, nearly laughing. "That's what you thought was going on." Casey stood there watching Sarah struggle not to react. "You know, given what you two have been through, I always thought it would push you two together."

"He didn't want me," she said softly. Casey snorted, loudly. She turned toward him. "He didn't," she insisted.

"Uh huh," Casey said, shaking his head. He felt Sarah stare at him. "Fine," he said, turning to her. "We're gonna play this?" He walked he over to a computer that Sarah couldn't see. "I thought he was gonna eat a bullet," he said as way of explanation. He hit play, and Sarah saw it, her entering the back of Chuck's place. "Making sure he was tucked in for the night."

"Casey, we may have not had… anything, but I couldn't take the chance he'd kill himself. I had the same worries."

Casey rolled his eyes, and played another tape of Sarah kissing Chuck in the club. "Again, I didn't say I didn't have feelings for him."

"Why were you in Prague?" Casey asked. Sarah stood there. "I know what you're doing." He held a hand up before she could respond. "I just hope you know you can trust me. I get Beckman, I get the CIA, I get the NSA, or anyone else, but me… hell, Walker, just don't get the kid killed."

"If I _did_ know what you're talking about, how could I get him killed?" Sarah asked, intrigued.

"He'd follow you to hell and back," Casey replied.

She stood there quietly, looking away. Then she looked him in the eyes. "And who says I wouldn't do that for him?"

Casey took a deep breath, and nodded in understanding.

"Do you know what he told me?" Tears were forming in her eyes. "I asked him to run, Casey, with me, and he told me no, because of what might happen to other people. Would they have died over our actions? Could Chuck live with that?"

"Christ, it's worse than I thought," Casey muttered.

"Fine, you want to know? I love him." Casey flinched. "He's my shelter, Casey. He keeps me in this world, because while I can _work_ in our world, I'm not _of_ our world."

"'Bout time you figured that out," Casey replied. Sarah stared at him. "You're not built like me. I thought for a long time you were, but it's obvious you are more like him than I ever realized." He stood there a second. "And, he's more like us than I gave him credit for." Her eyes widened. "Walker, he's saving lives. What's different in that than what we're doing?"

"Nothing," she said. "Except he's doing it, and not getting any credit."

"How about you give him all the credit he needs," Casey said with a smirk. Sarah rolled her eyes. "I'll tell Beckman that we need to reestablish your covers."

"Casey," she began.

"Take him home. You two have a lot to work out," Casey said. Sarah shook her head and headed toward Chuck.

"Come on, we have a cover to reestablish," she said.

"Is everything okay?" Chuck asked softly. She didn't say anything, leading him up the stairs and out of the Orange Orange. "He knows?"

"Not your fault… mine," she said, leading him to the Porsche.

"Yeah, it is my fault. We didn't give him enough credit," Chuck replied. Sarah nodded her head a few times. "Mind if I play with the radio?"

"Go ahead," she said.

"Are you worried?" Chuck asked, playing with the knob. "Oooo."

_I'll see you through, I'll cover you_

_With a love so deep and warm and true_

_I will be there_

_Honey I'll be your shelter_

_I'll be the one to take you through the night_

"That's us, isn't it?" Sarah asked, nodding to the radio.

"I'd like to think," Chuck replied. "Taylor Dane, very underrated. Wait." He looked around at their surroundings. "Where are we going?"

"We have a cover to reestablish," Sarah replied, a grin growing on her face. "I figure you staying the night at my place helps reestablish it."

"But I don't have any clothes," Chuck protested. She gave him a look and then shook her head, smiling. "Oh." Sarah grinned and drove on.

_Whenever you need shelter I'll make everything alright, make everything alright_

A/N: Are we still interested?


	4. Ch 4, In Your Room

A/N: Yep, still using songs as lyrics. Chuck vs the Three Words. I was going a different direction until I heard this song on SirusXM the other day and it struck me, if this isn't Chuck and Sarah then I don't know what is. My take on season 3 continues.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

Casey shot eyes at his door, as he heard the insistent knocking. Grunting, he got up, walked over, and opened the front door. There stood Sarah, with Carina. "Walker… Hellspawn," Casey said, addressing each.

"Where's Chuckles?" Carina asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Not his keeper," Casey replied shrugging, refusing to look at Sarah.

"Blondie here said he wasn't with her, and as we walked by his room, he wasn't in there," Carina continued. "Is he in here?"

"No idea," Casey replied with a shrug. "Why do you care?"

"I need your team, and I thought you kept eyes on him," Carina said, looking from one to the other, and then shook her head. "Casey, your worse than she is." Casey remained stoic. Carina turned to Sarah. "How long are you gonna wait for him to get here?"

"I don't know-"

"Stow it, I know you shoved him into the closet before you opened the door to let me in," Carina began. Sarah started to argue. "Your mistake was you opened your closet door to get your jacket, and you barely reached inside before the jacket was in your hand. He handed it to you, didn't he?"

"I don't know what you're-" Sarah began.

"Hey guys," Chuck yelled as they saw a taxi pull away behind him.

Carina turned back to Sarah. "Talking about…" Sarah finished.

"Carina," Casey began, with a warning.

"I want the whole story, now," Carina said, looking from one to the other.

}o{

"Jesus," Carina said, looking at all three of them. "So, your master plan is to function, but just barely, and look like a screw up, in the hopes that the Ring approaches Chuck?"

"We know they're after the Intersect, and we know they are recruiting," Sarah began. "It's his plan."

"So, what you really need is someone, somewhere, thinking he's been rejected," Carina began.

"I'm going to get Beckman to reinstate their cover as dating," Casey said.

"So, they're going to think he's absolutely miserable, _if_ they can ever see it," Carina added. She paced, thinking.

"Miller, we don't have time," Casey began.

"Casey, let her think," Chuck interjected. "You know she's smart as a tack, and if anyone can help us with this, anyone on the outside we can trust, it's her."

Carina stared at Chuck, Sarah stared at Chuck, and even Casey stared at him. And then, they gave him one, slow, respectful nod. Carina turned to Sarah. "You may end up having to sleep here, a lot," Carina said, a grin on her face. "Or maybe, _be_ here is the better word." Sarah grinned at Carina. Chuck was beyond confused.

}o{

"Report team," Beckman said. "Where is Mr. Bartowski?"

"That's the problem, ma'am," Casey began, uncomfortably. "General… ma'am… permission to let these two handle this briefing?"

"Denied, Colonel," Beckman said. "What. Happened?"

Sarah looked away, helplessness on her features. "You have a spy in love," Carina said, and hit a button of Chuck proclaiming his love for Sarah as he thought he was dying. The video ended, and Sarah held her right elbow with her left hand as she stared at the floor.

"General, it's obvious you have the greatest weapon a spy could ask for," Carina continued. Beckman straightened. "You have a spy that will do anything for Agent Walker. You have a spy that will be the weapon we need to beat the Ring. Make Chuck Bartowski bait for the Ring. What's the worst thing that could happen? They find him, and kill him?"

"You're overselling your hand, Agent Miller," Beckman said, pressing her lips together. Carina's eyes went wide, and Sarah jerked her head up. "Do you find me to be a damn fool?"

"Uh, General," Carina said, not sure what to say.

"Can it, Carina," Beckman said. Beckman glanced at Casey. "Is Chuck awake?"

"No, ma'am," Casey said, shaking his head. "He is passed out from the gas."

"I must say, you are quite impressive in your approach," Beckman said, pulling out a file and flipping through it. "That long with no contact after Prague, Agent Walker?"

"Ma'am?" Sarah replied, her eyes wide.

She gave the whole group a flat look. "Really?" She leaned forward. "I have my own eyes, I have my own network." A distinguished gentleman stepped into the picture, a drink in hand, and sat on the edge of her desk.

"Roan," Sarah groaned.

"Agent Walker," Roan began with a smile. "You are smitten my dear. _Smitten_."

"No, I'm in love," she retorted, before she could stop herself.

Roan reached in his coat pocket, extracted a wallet, pulled bill out of it, and handed it to Beckman. "About damn time you two figured it out."

"Wait, what is going on?" Casey asked. "I am very confused."

"What started as two people trying to run an op to take down the Ring, is now an op of seven people," Beckman explained. "Agent Walker, do you think you can reestablish your…" She glanced at Roan as he chuckled. "'Cover,' as Mr. Bartowski's boyfriend."

"No," Sarah replied. "There is no cover, General, I am his girlfriend."

"We all know, Agent Walker," Roan replied. "Otherwise you would have seen me on that train platform in Prague, where he yelled how he felt about you. Easiest spy work I've ever done," he muttered to Diane while drinking. "I will say they have been quite dedicated in their plan."

"That they have, and that's why we will continue their plan," Beckman said. "I think Agent Walker should move in with Agent Bartowski."

"Is that an order?" Sarah asked.

Beckman chuckled. "I need you to protect him, Sarah," she said softly. "This tape of Chuck is going to be put on a 'secure' site. One that will most likely be hacked. They are coming, and I don't know who they are."

"What about that Shaw fellow?" Roan asked.

"It is possible Daniel Shaw could be coming to join your team," Beckman said. "At this point, if he does, he is not to know about our plan."

"Do you trust him?" Casey asked.

"I don't trust anyone not in this picture… except for the Bartowskis… and the little troll. I don't think he would ever betray Mr. Bartowski," Beckman muttered. "So, Sarah, will you move in with Mr. Bartowski?"

}o{

Sarah found herself alone in his room sometime later, playing the song Chuck had left queued up for her.

_I love it in your room at night _

_You're the only one who gets through to me_

She had just finished a shower, and instead of putting on one of her own shirts, she had on his dress shirt. It made her… it made her feel things.

_I love it in your room all day _

_When you're gone I like to try on all your clothes_

She giggled at that last line, and that brought her up short. When the hell did Agent Walker giggle? Never. That was the answer. Never. _Sarah Lisa Walker_, girlfriend of Chuck Bartowski, _she_ giggled quite often.

"Wow," she heard him say in a soft voice. She spun around, smiling as she saw him.

_I feel good in your room _

_Let's lock the world out _

_Feels so good when we kiss _

_Nobody ever made me crazy like this_

"So, this… this is until we find the Ring, huh?" he asked. She looked at him. She knew what he was asking. Was this an assignment? As soon as this was over, was she gone? She took a deep breath and shook her head.

"No," she said softly. "I mean, I'd like to stay afterwards."

"Sarah," he began.

"Chuck, I want to stay." She took a deep breath. "Chuck, this is what we're fighting for." She spread her hands and looked around. "A lifetime of _this_, of us, in love, normal or not normal, or whatever you want."

"No," he replied, making her feel fear she didn't know she could fear. "Whatever _we_ want." She smiled at him, and crooked a finger at him, motioning for him to come closer.

_I'll do anything you want me to _

_I only want to be with you_

* * *

A/N: I like my version of three words better, but I'm biased.


	5. Ch 5, Soulshine

A/N: Oh, it's Angel, blah, blah, blah. It's my take. Now some of you may have never experience Gov't Mule, Warren Haynes, or the song Soulshine. There's a particular version that I think is perfect for this chapter. Gov't Mule The Deep End, Volume 1. Little Milton guests on this song. That's the version of Soulshine you want. Trust me. You're welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, Chuck, or mules, government ones or otherwise. One tried to kick me once.

* * *

She looked at the CD that simply had the words _trust me_ written on it. She was meeting Ellie shortly to tell her about her and Chuck. The truth, the whole truth. Sarah Walker was trying to live a normal life – could she ever? She didn't know, but if she could, it was here, with him, and that meant honesty. She looked down, and saw her hands shaking. Her hands never shook; of course, she had never told the sister of the man she loved that he was caught up in the spy world, with her. She looked at the CD again, shrugged, put it in the player and began to get dressed. She glanced back at the player, an eyebrow raised as an organ began to play. What the hell, Chuck?

A bluesy guitar and a steel guitar joined in, and she listened, lost in the words. She understood; this wasn't about him, this wasn't about Ellie. It was about her. It was time for her to come out of the dark.

}o{

A few days later, when she was watching Ellie with the Premier, she found herself thinking back to their conversation. It had mostly been about Chuck, and his safety. Ellie trusted her. That was good, because Sarah wasn't sure she trusted herself. But she had to. She laid a hand on Chuck's arm as he nodded, already knowing what she was going to do. Well, he knew she was going to save Ellie from the Premier… What Chuck didn't know was she was going to finish the talk they had started the other night, from which Sarah had managed to escape. Ellie deserved it, but more importantly, _Sarah_ deserved it.

After a quick word with the Premier, Sarah had managed to get Ellie away and to a table. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Ellie asked. She misread the look on Sarah's face. "Ugh. I'm sorry. Of course. Of course, this must be really hard for you guys. I mean, one minute you're fake broken up, and then the next minute, you're on this incredibly sexy date."

"I wanted him to leave, Ellie. I told you about him training, but I wanted him to leave with me. And do you know why he couldn't?" Ellie shook her head. "He thought he would resent me, if he left and innocents died."

Sarah looked away, and then right into Ellie's gaze. "I would have resented myself."

Ellie gave her a soft smile, reached over, and took Sarah's hand. "Sarah, how serious are your feelings for my brother?"

Sarah couldn't answer, she couldn't find the words.

"Sarah, please. Look at yourself right now. I mean, look at that dress. Look me in the eye, and tell me that you guys are just boyfriend and girlfriend." Sarah shook her head.

"I don't think that you understand our situation," Sarah replied, trying to find the words.

"I understand completely. I do," Ellie began, misreading her again.

"No, Ellie, I love him," Sarah said, getting it out. Ellie's eyes went wide. "I love him." Tears welled in her eyes. "I always have. How can you not? And… and not just for him being him, but for him… He leaves me songs, sometimes." Ellie chuckled. "He left this song, _Soulshine_, and the lyrics talk about a man who the woman robbed him of his very soul."

"Uh, men can do the same thing," Ellie cut in, bringing a smile to Sarah's face.

"The very next line says that," Sarah replied. Ellie chuckled. "But then the next lyric says, _And when your world seems cold, You got to let your spirit take control._"

"I have a feeling I'm not getting everything," Ellie said softly.

"I've… I've been a conman's daughter, and a spy, for all the time I can remember. My world was nothing but cold, until I met Chuck. But that's not good enough, for your brother." A grin grew on Ellie's face. "Oh, no, it can't be enough he's my light to find myself. No, he wants me to be my _own_ light."

"That's Chuck," Ellie agreed softly.

Sarah sat there for a second, and then sang softly. _"Yeah now people don't mind. We all get this way sometimes. You gotta let your soul shine. Shine till the break of day."_

"What are you telling me Sarah?"

"I love him, and he's the one for me, forever. And you need to know that. You need to know exactly who your brother is with. A woman that will do _anything_ to protect him."

"Oh, I know," Ellie replied, grinning as she took a drink. She set the drink down, and studied Sarah for a moment. "When this is over…"

"I don't know," Sarah admitted. "All I know is, I will be with Chuck, and we'll figure this out. If that's here, or somewhere else, I will be with him… if he'll have me." Ellie gave her a flat look, and Sarah shrugged. "It's possible."

Ellie snorted. "Not if you let your soul shine."

"Good Lord, you're as bad as he is," Sarah replied, grinning. She reached over and took a drink, beginning to feel like this could work. "I love him, Ellie, you have to know that."

"I do, Sarah," Ellie replied, squeezing her hand. "You know that by getting him, you got a sister, right?" Sarah smiled at her. "If I'm wrong about your concerns, I apologize, but I approve. Not that it matters, though… that nerd is totally in love with you."

"I'm totally in love with him," Sarah replied. "I've never talked to anyone about feelings like this before."

"You can with me, any time you want," Ellie told her.

_Let your soul shine_

_It's better than sunshine_

_It's better than moonshine_

_Damn sure better than rain_

_Lord now people don't mind_

_We all get this way sometimes_

_Got to let your soul shine_

_Shine till the break of day_

* * *

A/N: Again, I'm biased.


	6. Ch 6, Time After Time

A/N: For this chapter, while I'll always love Cyndi Lauper's version, I think Quietdrive's version fits better. (It's on Spotify if you'd like a listen)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

Sarah was sitting in a booth; her, Chuck, Ellie, and Devon. She was done doing things the CIA's way. Part of her wondered if she should try and transfer to the NSA. Part of her wondered if she should just walk away, but she _did_ love her job. She just hated it putting her, and his family, in jeopardy.

"What was with the redhead today?" Awesome asked her. Sarah smiled at him. He had told her earlier he wanted nothing else to do with spy-work. Both she and Chuck were relieved to hear that.

"Old friend of mine," Sarah explained. Devon nodded slowly, missing the confusion on Ellie's face, and Sarah addressed the older woman. "I have a friend who works in law enforcement. She had been trailing a suspected drug pusher. Apparently, he was going to use Devon to get into the hospital's drug supply, to make up for some product that was stolen… or that he used."

"I'm betting used," Chuck said offhandedly. Sarah grinned at him. He was getting good at this, but not in the way she had feared. "Guy was talking about a bear in the park."

"Definitely using his own product," Devon said. "How's the Buy More going, Chuckster?"

"Eh," Chuck replied, shrugging. "Corporate sent some 2-by-4 to try and show me better ways of doing things."

"How'd that go?" Ellie asked.

"He tried to tell me to begin results-oriented, and that you have to be cutthroat to get things done," Chuck replied. He squeezed Sarah's hand under the table. "I had to remind him that to not lose ourselves, we needed to remember the people involved, the people we serve. Sarah has reminded me of that a lot, lately."

"You should listen to her. She has her own yogurt chain, now," Ellie said. He felt Sarah beaming at him.

"Yogurt and fun," Chuck reminded Ellie.

}o{

They were at a dance club, when Ellie managed to separate Chuck from Sarah. "Devon and I are moving across the courtyard, to the open apartment. You two should keep the current apartment. I don't know what's happened, but it appears you two finally figured it out."

"Something clicked a few months ago," Chuck said, and his eyes went wide as he realized what he had said.

"I _knew_ it!" she exclaimed. "I knew you two weren't broken up."

"Ellie," he began.

"For crying out loud, Chuck, I'm a doctor… I'm not an idiot. Sarah is too smart to be working in a wiener store, _or_ a yogurt shop." Chuck's mouth dropped. "Little brother, give me some credit."

"Ellie," he tried again.

"And that complicated bullshit," she continued. "What happened, she got assigned somewhere, and you two finally realized that what you had was worth fighting for?"

"I can't answer that," Chuck replied.

"Annnnnnd, that's all the answer I need. Don't worry, little brother, I'm not going to tell… well, I don't know what she actually does, but I figure it's got to be government-related." Chuck pressed his lips together, so as not to speak. "Are you safe?"

"She would never let anyone hurt me," Chuck replied, honesty bleeding through his entire being. Ellie nodded. "I love her."

"I know," Ellie replied. "And she loves you. I'm not totally happy about whatever you two are having to do – and I _will_ find out, someday – but for now, just remember, you're promised nothing. Be there for each other."

"I think we've got that part figured out," Chuck replied with a grin. "Ellie… she's worth it."

"I know, Chuck. I know."

}o{

"Beckman is gonna _love_ this," Sarah said, leaning against Chuck, the two of them sitting on his bed.

"I mean… we should have known," Chuck began, but shrugged. "Honestly…? I'm glad."

"I know you are, baby," she said, turning to him, and capturing his lips with hers. She pulled away. "As much as I would love to do that… and more…" She gave him a significant look as she said that.

"Shaw," Chuck said, nodding. He reached over and grabbed his phone. "The video has been shown." Sarah sat up in bed. "I think we have a location on the Ring."

"You're kidding," Sarah said, looking at her boyfriend with shock clearly visible on her face.

"I told you I could tag it, and find out who watched it," Chuck replied with a grin. "Nerd, remember?" The grin fell off his face. "I find it very worrisome that Shaw appears the same day we break up an attempted kidnapping of Awesome, _and_ the video is played."

"You think he's a double-agent?" Sarah asked, running a hand through her hair. "Chuck, that would mean… Chuck, Shaw is a higher-up in the CIA." Chuck sat there, nodding.

"I could see where someone in my supposed spot would fawn over Shaw," Chuck began.

"Someone who had been drummed out of the CIA, and had spurned the woman he loved."

"Wait just a second," he interjected, giving her a look. "It wouldn't have been a spurning."

"Interesting," she replied, grinning. "You object to spurning, but not the woman he loved."

"What do you mean, loved?" Chuck asked. "I _love_ you, Sarah Walker." The words hung there, her eyes locked with his. "I mean… you have to know that, and if I haven't said it enough, or shown it enough-"

"I love you, Chuck, and I do know," she said, moving quickly to throw a leg over and straddle him, her laying herself over him. "And I need you to know that no matter what happens with this op, with this fight, I will always love you, and choose you."

"I'm a very lucky guy," Chuck said, gently kissing her.

"Baby, you have no idea _how_ lucky," she said, giving him the Bartowski eyebrow dance.

"Can we talk about Shaw later?" Chuck asked.

"What do you want to talk about instead?" she asked, nipping at his bottom lip.

"I find there are many other methodologies of communication besides talking," he said, pulling her closer.

"_Now_ you're talking," she said, and then the only words that were said were each saying the others name.

* * *

A/N: I really prefer my version over the show's, but again…I'm so biased.


	7. Ch 7, Everything I Do

A/N: This fic has always been influenced by music (I mean…look at the titles of the chapters) I blame MySongStory. :) This fic chapter was supposed to be a Bryan Adams song, but not this one. But the further I went into the chapter, the more I knew, I had picked the wrong one. So, I changed it. Yes, this is the last chapter, it was never supposed to be long. I hope you've enjoyed this one, I really like using music to influence chapters. Ch 7, Everything I Do

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

"Okay, big question," Chuck said, looking at her from across the dinner table. It was their first dinner together in their apartment. He felt something in his chest, warm, tender, that left him with a feeling of floating. "We are the couple that shuts the bathroom door, right?"

"Not only is it shut, but turn on the faucet, the fan, and hum a little if you want," Sarah replied in all seriousness. "But that wasn't it," she said softly.

"You're not ready," he said, scrunching his nose at her.

"You have no idea what I'm ready for," she replied, an amused, but dangerous, look on her face.

Chuck reached over and took her hand in his. "Sarah, I don't know that I have to ask what I'm curious about, because… because I know the answer, but I don't know if you're ready to admit it to yourself."

She sat there quietly for a moment.

"I went too far?" he asked, his tone filled with worry.

She shook her head, and gave him a soft smile. "No, Chuck, you haven't. Maybe three months ago you would have been right, but see… I've learned something."

"Do you care to share with the rest of the class?" Chuck asked her, grinning.

"But Mr. Bartowski," she said in a voice dripping with honey.

"Oh God," he muttered.

"You've been teaching me, and I've learned I can do anything if you're with me." She watched Chuck's face soften, the smile that lit his entire face. "So, ask."

"How many kids?" She froze, and the scared look returned to her face. "See, you weren't-"

"I haven't decided," she replied, swallowing. "At least two."

Chuck stared at her, as his whole face broke out into a smile. "Two's good," he said with a nod. "You know, like Ellie and I."

"Or more," she said, bouncing a shoulder. "Wanna leave the dishes for later?" she asked, as she stood and walked toward the bedroom. Chuck swore her hips had a little more sway than normal. He nearly fell out of his chair, trying to push it back and hurry after her.

}o{

It was dark, that's all he knew. That wasn't true. There was a warm weight against him, a head tucked under his jaw, a finger drawing lazy lines on his chest. But there was something in the air, an undercurrent that he didn't like.

"Talk to me," he said softly.

"I want this," she said, emotion spilling out.

"You've got it," he replied, squeezing his arms around her tight.

"No, not yet we don't," Sarah replied. "All we have is a promise, but no guarantee of tomorrow. We have to finish this, Chuck."

"Then tell me what to do." He felt her head lift, his eyes locked with hers. "Tell me what to do, so this is us, always, forever. Us."

"We end this threat, and then… _then_ we talk more about how many kids we want," Sarah replied.

"We?" Chuck asked.

"There are many means of communication, Chuck," she said with a grin. "And it takes two to communicate."

"It doesn't," he began, but stopped as she gave him a flat look… and then she burst out laughing.

"Cheeky, Chuck. Cheeky." She smiled at him and shook her head. "Do you have an idea?"

"We _Godfather_ him," Chuck replied. Sarah raised her eyebrow. "We know all the communication that has been going out from where the video was played, we know all the moves to make. We hit them all at once and then force Shaw to come out into the open."

"That's… dangerous," Sarah said, biting on her lip with worry.

"It is, but is it any more dangerous than playing _his_ game?" Sarah shook her head no. "I love you, Sarah. We're doing this for us."

Sarah nodded.

}o{

"Agent Shaw, report," Beckman said as she appeared on the monitor. She then held up a finger. "Sorry, just a moment… we've received a report in that a Ring agent was captured, and we now have the key for your box." Shaw's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me," she said, looking at another file she was just handed. "We've now secured a potential intersect that was being built," she continued. Shaw's eyes shifted back and forth. "And it appears we've also stopped a potential assassination against you, and found a deadly toxin in a museum."

"Sounds like a busy few days, General," Chuck said, holding back the grin. "Plus, with you waving my red test, and thank you for that..." Beckman nodded. "…and us finding the laudinal, and saving Casey's family, we've had some big wins."

"You've hurt the Ring, agents. Good job."

"Why wasn't I informed of any of this?" Shaw asked, a bead of perspiration appearing on his forehead.

"Why would we tell you, since you'd just let the Ring know?" Chuck asked, turning toward him. Shaw stepped back and drew his gun.

"Out of the way, Chuck," Shaw said. Chuck reached into his pocket and popped a pill in his mouth. Shaw stared at him.

"Shaw, I will do anything for Sarah, and you need to know that. So, if you think you're going to use that gun, it will be over, and you'll be dead." Chuck held his hand out. Shaw placed his weapon in Chuck's hand, and he promptly handed the gun to Sarah. Agents appeared seemingly out of thin air, quickly cuffing Shaw, and frog-marched him away.

"You're an idiot, Bartowski! You have no emotions now, you just lost her!" Shaw yelled.

"Wait," Chuck said, emotionless. He reached into his pockets and pulled out a container of Tic Tacs, and offered one to Sarah. Shaw scowled at them. The agents led Shaw away.

"You have everything you need?" Sarah asked.

"I do," Beckman replied. "And now, I honor our deal."

Chuck and Sarah smiled.

}o{

_A few days later, on a train somewhere __amidst__ the French countryside._

"The porter mad at you?" Sarah asked, grinning at Chuck as he brought the tray back to the bed.

"Eh, who cares," Chuck replied with a shrug. "So, Mrs. Bartowski, any regrets?"

"None, Mr. Walker," Sarah replied.

"Ooooo, do I get to change my last name?" he asked, smiling. She snorted at him. "Seriously, you wait until we're married before I find this out?" She snorted again. "Did you decide yet?"

"Decide what?"

"How many kids?" he asked.

She gave him a smile that warmed every square inch of his body, and shook her head. "I kinda like the idea of us figuring that out together."

"We can do that," he replied in a low voice. "Are you… hungry?"

"Not for food," she replied with a smirk, moving the tray. Her lips quickly captured his. "I love you, Chuck."

"Love you, Sarah."

The train headed down the track, the journey just beginning.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews and PMs always appreciated.


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